


“The hot steamy grocery fic idk” by Axl.

by Robotic_meido



Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X
Genre: Help, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 16:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robotic_meido/pseuds/Robotic_meido
Summary: Axl writes an amazing fica collaboration fic between me, Janitorbot, 20_sages, and Prarim not sorry.





	“The hot steamy grocery fic idk” by Axl.

Zero loaded his ass into a (1990s honda civic) that he found in the garbage yard last week.”Wow i sure do lov dumpster diving it is my favorite hobbby aside from maverick hunting but garbage eating tops that totally”.” He screamed at the top of his lungs (he doesn’t have lungs). He parked in the handicap parking lot because he was MADLY IN LOVE with the cute checkout boy in isle 5, he comes to the stoor like every diy and now his kintchen at home is filled with noting but shitty boxed cerea [cereal_child.jpg]l [s(he cant even eat). He sprinted with his giant ass boots and tripped just outside the main door.”Nice going dipshit” vile, the shitty security guard said mocking him at the entrance way. Zerp didn’t say anything but he pulled out his mk-47 gun.

”Ha. You think you can stop me with that pea shooter? Think again idIOT.I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on all mavericks, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire Maverick Hunter forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in the poarking lot?? The only pvp enabled area in miles? Think again, fucker. you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Maverick Hunter Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking-” he was cut short by Zero throwing the gun at him knocking him out instant;y. He had important matters on his mind like fucking the cue boy in isle 5.

Zero climbed his pathetic ass up, wiped off the dirt, and tripped over vile’s unconcious body, tripping again. The door opened before him as if pitying him. FINALLY. As god’s grace welcoms him he waltzes into the air conditioned building, the smell of underpaid workers and mass-production embrace him. He spreads his arm wide and then screeches.” I LOVE CAPITALISM {money_bag.jpg] (and X)”. Every head in the stor turns in his direction, which he brushed off, because the humans judging him will be dead in like 60 years anyway so. He backflipped into aisle nr 5 only to find X BUSY, SPEAKING TO SIGMA. [sigma_sans.jpg]Sigma, that bitch, was buying 50 candles, a bottle of lube, and a copy of the bible, which x ignored while engaging in polite conversation as he scanned the items. Zero fucking bitch slapped him into aisle nr 4 and then suplexed X with his love and pure affection.”zero what the fuck!” x shoute, pointing to the sign that read “no loitering, asses will be beat on site”.  
“I want to make sweet love to you,” says the red combatdroid. “Sweet sweet, baby making, intense love. I don’t care if my ass gets beat, as long as it’s you beating my ass.” “at least buy something first you asshole, im on the clock”  
Zero swooped into the sex part of the shop and picked up like 20 packets of condoms and 2 bottles of lube and a box of chex. He then dashed back to isle 5 at the speed of lightning, knocking over multiple carts and displays in the process. tHE hunter was ready to smash!!

Then suddenly 

A purple piece of shit appears with a chef hat and delivery box. He announces,” I brought your spaghetti [plate_of_spaghetti.jpg] . From the shadow realm.”  
X swooned “o fuc i love spghtti”[man_eating_spaghetti_jpg} 

X’s west virginian eyes widened into shoujou levels of revoltingly large. “Oh Vile! Because you brought me spaghetti, I am more than happy to sleep with you!”

“WHAT THE FUCK, NO!” screams Zero, reaching out just as Vile lifts X up, bridal style, cackling like the wild, lunatic violet loon he is. “X IS MY SUGAR BAbE.” 

“Zero, you already have so many beautiful people chasing after your fine ass,”X says scornfully, head turning away in Korean Drama levels of dramatic. Why don’t you go and pair you with one of them?”

“Please leave me out of this,” says Ciel, who suddenly appeared out of nowhere holding an empty starbucks cup, because she has no money, but is holding one anyway to fit in. “I’m a scientist. Let me pretend to shop for coffee and don’t involve me into this nonsense.” 

“I rather be with my brother, dead.” says Iris, who also appeared out of nowhere. She came here to buy candles, but was out of luck for some reason and had to buy air fresheners instead.

“I am fine with fucking Zero,” Layer volunteers, who also appeared not of nowhere. Everyone ignores her, except Sigma who has take note of her gigantic biddy bondakulars. These really were some great assets she had there.

Sigma rushes to the back of the store, fetches a long blond wig, places it on top of his head, and returns, announcing,”hi I’m Zero, I have hair now. You can sleep with me, bigboibie lady.”  
Layer leaped into his strong welcoming arms, swooning.

Zero explodes in his sadness.[dead_zero.jpg] 

Ciel, with an all suffering sigh, collects the scorched remains of the thrice killed Zero, and says,” I’ll fix him. Because you THOTS won’t. Bitches.” 

She then departs to the country roads West Virginia.

Vile absconds [graceful_vile.jpg] with X into the distance, layer and Sigma have their happy ending, and five hours later Zero wakes up,body put together, waking up to one exhausted Ciel. 

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m just doing my duty,” says Ciel wearily. God, she doesn’t deserve this. She needs more coffee and money. 

“Who am I,” says Zero.

“Oh shit,” whispers Ciel. 

“Are you my waifu?” Asks the sudden amnesiac.

Ciel pauses. She considers that Zero has a high paying salary, probably has his own house with a paid mortgage, and visualizes that her future will be a lot better if she has a rich man who can endlessly provide her money and coffee. She can work on her personal projects, like saving the world, and not be distracted by being threatened with eviction every other three days, and then she can actually buy starbucks for once.

“Yes,” she says with total seriousness. “I am your waifu.”

Zero and Ciel get married, but then Omega came out of nowhere. 

“Muahahhaa! No one is in my way to get my waifu, X!” Declares Omega. “Even Zero is formally married to someone else!” 

“Who the fuck is X” questioned Zero.

“Oh shit” said Ciel.

“Not your problem!” Says Omega. “Only that you’re not invited to our wedding!”

Then he flies away to find Vile to murder him and replace him with himself. 

X kills both Vile and Omega on the moon.  
No one fucks X.

The true winners are X and Ciel, the end.  
And Sigma and Layer. 

-  
“What the rust is this,” says Zero, glaring at Axl in front of his computer.

“Art,” Axl deadpans flatly. 

“This...is an exercise of creative freedom…” X comments unsure. “I think.” 

“This is the worst thing I have ever read.” Zero replies with the certainty of a destruction conveyor belt. 

“Uh, I like the part of the Navy Seals? That has some...realism...” X says, struggling to find a nice comment. It’s very difficult considering that internally he is extremely close to short-circuiting. 

Axl is a very sweet kid, but he really was not constructed to be a writer. 

“He copy and pasted that,” Says the war bot. “Can we at least kill him for plagiarism.” 

“No, Zero.” X says with an all-suffering sigh over Axl’s indignant squawk. “We don’t do that.”

“The can we declare him Maverick on the grounds of false lies and slander and then kill him?”

“This is all your fault y’know!” Axl yells abruptly, launching out of his chair. He points at Zero dramatically. “You said that I couldn’t be a good storyteller!”

“And it seems you’ve proven me right,” the combatdroid answers without a single beat. 

Axl chokes. “It’s my first story, and I made you so badass!”

“I would never lecture a Maverick,” the war bot explains. “I wouldn’t waste my time. I would simply execute them. This is so out of character, threat assessment deems this worthy of being burned on the count that it will affect my reputation and lower everyone else’s threat assessment of me.”

“Also,” Zero declares finally. “I hate capitalism.” 

“But do you love me?” Asks X with a hint of a smile. “I hope that part of the story is consistent with your ‘character.’”

“That’s the only aspect that’s consistent. It’s not enough.” Zero wrinkles his nose, disgusted. “I would never sleep with you in a public setting. The sheer amount of vulnerability is dangerous.”

“Oh smelt me,” moans X, burying his face in his hands. 

“I would bring you inside -“

“Zero, stop!” X cries, mortified, while Axl starts taking out a notepad, eyes sharp and suddenly attentive. 

“- make sure the walls are sound proofed and fortified -“

“Zero, this is not appropriate for -“ 

“And I wouldn’t need condoms, lube, or Chex. We’re both already equipped with internal functions and human food have no use for us. I would go straight into business.”

“These are all good notes,” murmurs Axl, writing down every word Zero says like they’re holy words as X makes a sound as if he’s being strangled. 

Zero nods, appearing slightly more approved over the young reploid than before. “Also, who’s Ciel.”

“That is knowledge none of us should know,” whispers X with a knowing voice. “Dont speak no more. Lest we -“

Suddenly a light appears from the heavens over X, and both Axl and Zero gape when X’s feet leave the ground. 

“Now look at what you have done. You broke time and space and ripped a hole in canon,” X says mournfully. “Now I must die.”

He turns into a cyber elf just as the great hand of God reaches out and grabs him, supposedly to pull him into Super Smash bros as an echo fighter, ignoring Axl and Zero’s horrified cries. 

 

Almost heaven, West Virginia  
Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River  
Life is old there, older than the trees  
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze  
Country roads, take me home  
To the place I belong  
West Virginia, mountain mama  
Take me home, country roads  
All my memories gather round her  
Miner's lady, stranger to blue water  
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky  
Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye  
Country roads, take me home  
To the place I belong  
West Virginia, mountain mama  
Take me home, country roads  
I hear her voice, in the morning hour she calls me  
The radio reminds me of my home far away  
And driving down the road I get a feeling  
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday  
Country roads, take me home  
To the place I belong  
West Virginia, mountain mama  
Take me home, country roads  
Country roads, take me home  
To the place I belong  
West Virginia, mountain mama  
Take me home, country roads  
Take me home, down country roads  
Take me home, down country roads

[CREDITS ROLL AND FADE TO BLACK]


End file.
